At age 30, I had lived outside of my parents’ home for a number of years, found a good job that provides me with the ability to establish myself, and had a few experiences with roommates that taught me a lot about the reality of living with another person. It was definitely more difficult for me to let my mind take one step back from analyzing and re-analyzing every aspect of my new relationship and the potential outcomes for our future together, and just enjoy being with someone who makes me happy and who I know has a heart to always make me happy. My first boyfriend was by no means a better man than Mike – Mike surpasses him by leaps and bounds in so many ways! But when I was 20, I hadn’t lived as much life and didn’t have so many expectations built up. I also didn’t have nearly as much of a realistic view of what marriage will be like, and when you really think about being with someone for the rest of your life, it ought to scare you just a little bit! It should mostly make you happy if it’s the right person, but I think a little fear of the unknown is to be expected if you have a healthy view of things.

I felt guilty for feeling that way at first, but I thought back to when my co-worker was dating her now-husband and we were asking her when it was going to become permanent . . . she would say, “I don’t know Carissa . . . forever is a LONG TIME!” And then another girlfriend who is the same age as me, recently expressed that she has run from more than one relationship because of that thought. Since the number one need of women is security, any woman who has had time to live life on her own, I believe, will have to overcome this fear . . . and it’s not always easy!

I also totally agree with what you said about making up your mind to be happy and committed to whomever you do take marriage vows with. As you said, arranged marriages have stayed together for centuries because the two people were committed to make it work. I’m sure they didn’t always feel “in love”, but whether it was social norms or sheer determination that made them stick it out, they always managed to make it work, and often fell in love in the process. I think it’s hard not to love someone that you work so closely with to build a life and a family! I am personally praying that the love Mike and I have for each other now, is just the “tip of the iceberg” (so to speak) of what our love will be like 20 years down the road!

all i can say is this: when it’s simple, it’s right. we make things so darn complicated. all these rules and culturally defined “safeguards.” i say to them, whatever. when you know you know and when you’re ready you’re ready. usually people that date forever and then break-up inevitably say “i knew i was not going to marry him/her early on” or “i kinda always knew it wouldn’t be long-term.” it’s kinda the same when you find the right person. you know pretty early on and if you are at a place in your life where (1) you are satisfied and content with yourself, (2) you are satisfied and content with God alone, and (3) you are mature and willing to accept the challenge of a covenant relationship, you go for it. or at least, i think you should go for it. like my grandma so eloquently said the other day..tee hee…”either do your business or get off the pot.”

it’s as simple as it should be, if you let it be.

Also, I agree that you will never be married until God leads the right girl in front of you, so the point is made even more academic rather than practical. I just like looking at things from a different perspective and asking why something that is frowned upon now such a bad idea if it were a good idea in the past. I hope that clears up what I was trying to say with that point.

I think it is best to find spend some time finding yourself before you commit for the long-haul. I don’t if it means more or less coming from a guy who got married fairly young. Did not Paul suggest that we should remain single and heavy on the ministry?